I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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