The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
