alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My life is pants optional.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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