I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
