right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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