we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
