Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
