the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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