I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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