brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
