Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
