Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
