the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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