When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
