So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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