I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
