She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
