My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
