my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
