I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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