My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
