Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
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She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.