I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
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