Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him