It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.