I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.