I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.