It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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