So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
