i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..