How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
