I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'