I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
