Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall