Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
where are you?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?