let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?