You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.