I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
