They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"