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I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
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