You can't motorboat a personality
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
