WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button