I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.