So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
