Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever