she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dating After Heartbreak
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now