i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
