And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.