after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
