you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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