Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?