if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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