Texts From Last Night

daisydukin's Favorites Texts:

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.

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  (719): Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fluu
  Replies (24) Good night (352) Bad night (3774) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.

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  (425): I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me. http://tfl.nu/51kh
  Replies (21) Good night (493) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.

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  (616): Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening. http://tfl.nu/2jna
  Replies (7) Good night (1189) Bad night (419)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.

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  (580): The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference. http://tfl.nu/nnsg
  Replies (9) Good night (429) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.

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  (805): Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered. http://tfl.nu/wect
  Replies (8) Good night (1790) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"

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  (318): Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch" http://tfl.nu/gqk6
  Replies (3) Good night (1025) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan

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  (218): I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan http://tfl.nu/xroh
  Replies (11) Good night (1767) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that

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  (918): Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that http://tfl.nu/h4ec
  Replies (4) Good night (1397) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.

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  (717): You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep. http://tfl.nu/lypi
  Replies (11) Good night (2008) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.

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  (563): Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory. http://tfl.nu/lh6g
  Replies (5) Good night (1290) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.

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  (518): Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/4mei
  Replies (10) Good night (1403) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (577) Bad night (3208) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.

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  (330): You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower. http://tfl.nu/aao1
  Replies (6) Good night (1234) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out

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  (515): I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out http://tfl.nu/6wgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1456) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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  (903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc
  Replies (5) Good night (459) Bad night (1163)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?

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  (870): Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk? http://tfl.nu/4pki
  Replies (9) Good night (500) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

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  (650): Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens http://tfl.nu/mv4i
  Replies (13) Good night (1955) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

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  (910): I gasped. Both pairs of lips did. http://tfl.nu/2kuf
  Replies (4) Good night (2038) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?

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  (503): In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right? http://tfl.nu/gih8
  Replies (4) Good night (1600) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.

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  (570): Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/2zix
  Replies (4) Good night (959) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt