Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
