super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.