thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
