On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward