So drunk its hurt
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
