Don't you send me to vm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
